financial considerations

During the first month of separation, I was still hoping my ex and I would try to work out. Since I was the main credit card owner for all of our join credit cards, I didn't bother to change the status. After a month, a friend advised me to cancel all my credit cards and get a full credit report to review my credit status. Meanwhile, my ex was still charging on our join cards and I was paying the debts. When I informed him that I was going to cancel the credit cards, he was surprised.

Before marriage, there were no money issues, but when the relationship doesn’t work out, people change. My ex was not financially responsible. So I was afraid that I would be liable for all of his debts. Fortunately for me, I followed my friend’s advice and cleared up the financial responsibility. As part of my divorce decree, I added some language regards to the future debt responsibilities to protect myself. I also consolidated loans, which helped to have a better handle with my financial situation.

Since I have no clue where he is and he is unreachable, if I didn’t take precaution measures, I would have to be responsible for his future debt. That would be a very unfortunate situation.

Related Links: credit report, consolidated loans

Suggested Reading 01.18.05

divorce legal help

Divorce attorneys can provide sound legal advice and help you avoid costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorce process involves many legal technicalities that can affect your well being (as well as your children's) for many years to come. However, there are other economical legal options that I learned after my divorce and will share in a bit.

If you plan to consult with a divorce attorney, there is a good referral program where you may want to try LegalMatch. It allows you to review qualified local attorneys’ resume before you choose them. A lawyer friend suggested me to ask the following questions when I was interviewing divorce attorneys:

• What is the divorce attorney’s experience? How many divorce cases have they handled? Don't be afraid to ask for references.
• What steps are involved in the divorce process?
• How long will the process take? Do they have the time to give my case the attention it deserves?
• Are phone calls to the divorce attorney encouraged, what are the best times, and how promptly are calls returned. Do they prefer scheduled appointments to discuss my case?
• How much will it cost? Is there a retainer? What things are charged for at an hourly rate? Is a monthly bill sent out?
• How much are the filing fees?
• Will the divorce attorney or a legal assistant be handling my case? If a legal assistant is involved, what is the hourly rate for their service?
• What is their view on settlement versus litigation?
• Ask for a written retainer agreement. This is the contract that states what the divorce attorney agrees to do for my case, and how much will I be billed and how often.

I was fortunate to get a good referral for a divorce attorney. However, the great service did not come cheaply either. I have learned since then that there are alternative divorce solutions, which would be a lot economical.

Things I learned after my divorce… Through a friend I learned about this company called LegalZoom. They provide legal service over internet and are a great reliable solution if you are able to work out the details with your ex-spouse. I was able to mediate with my ex-husband directly with my attorney; however my final attorney’s fee was still very high. If I had known about LegalZoom, I would have filed the form on my own by using LegalZoom's service; the cost of service would be within my means.

There is another great online resource Online Divorce Forms, which provide very useful information from divorce law by State, forms, resources, to FAQs.

Related Links: LegalMatch, LegalZoom, Online Divorce Forms

Suggested Reading 01.17.05

a year after I filed divorce

Today is exactly a year after I filed divorce. I had a lot of time to reflect what happened the past year...

Over a year ago, a friend suggested to me that I should start a journal. I took her advice and wrote my thoughts and conversations I had with my ex-husband. It was extremely therapeutic. I kept the journal through out the divorce process.

I was able to see some patterns of my failed marriage. It takes two to tango and no one is perfect. I now recognized that both of us made many mistakes and realized that it’s best to end the marriage. I finally accepted the divorce.

There are five steps that you may experience when you lose someone you love or a relationship breaking up.

• Anger
• Depression
• Bargaining
• Denial
• Acceptance

You may experience them repeatedly, e.g. you may go through a period of time getting depressed and angry then back to getting depressed after a few weeks later. It is very important to talk about it, get involved, keep active, drink in moderation, learn new skills, do something creative, and ask for help.

Suggested Reading 01.16.05